I ate a can of legendary Lidl ‘Musky’ Octopus, so you don’t have to

It has been a long time coming, but finally I’ve reviewed the most requested item from my readers. Although my previous fishy escapade turned into a walk in the park, I was reminded by my now wife every time I looked at it languishing on my cupboard shelf, ‘this has tentacles and suckers’.

Lidl Musky Octopus, the can

Not usually afraid of such challenges, I think it was the adjective ‘musky’ that was printed on the can that was really putting me off. No one wants their food smelling or even tasting like an animal secretion.

Lidl Musky Octopus, opening the can

Opening the can and having a good sniff, I slightly gagged on a smell I’d come across before. It only took a few seconds to remember… Whiskas tuna cat food. The contents looked as bad as the canned pig tongue I’d tried before, if not worse. My initial thought of this ‘being only slightly worse than the Asda value sardines’ was dashed. It was going to be nasty, real nasty.

Lidl Musky Octopus, plating up

Transferring the contents to a plate made it look 10x worse. Those suckers. At this point my wife starting making comedy retching noises and while laughing asked me “you’re not actually going to put that shit in your mouth, are you?”. For easy spewing access, I decided to move the plate to the sink, to take my first bite.

Lidl Musky Octopus, tasting

Selecting a piece that had enough suckers on it to make my wife happy, for Queen and Country, in the pie hole it went. So what does it taste like? Putting aside the thought of what I was actually eating, I managed to start chewing… and chewing and chewing. Yes, despite being probably cooked within an inch of its canned life, it was a little on the tough side to say the least, which made the battle ongoing in my brain even more vicious… “Your eating a f**king tentacle, man! No it’s tuna, lovely chewy tuna, mmmmm *gag*”. I was proud that I managed to swallow a bite and wipe the smile off my wife’s face. “You’re a wrongun aren’t you?” she said before walking out of the kitchen and saying “clean that shit up, it bloody reeks!”. It was about then the spiciness of the ‘piquant’ sauce really came through. It probably needs a kick to cut through the groat. So if chewy tuna with a chilli kick is your thing, get yourself down to your nearest Lidl… there will be plenty on the shelf.

For my Greek readers, it’s ok, I know that this represents your cuisine about as much as the frozen doner kebab does!

Appearance: 2/10
Taste: 2/10
Value: 3/10
Overall: 7/30

Lidl UK
Eridanous (Lidl Stiftung & Co. KG)
I can’t remember, I’ve blocked it from my mind… it was under £2!