It has certainly been a long time, but while passing my local B&M store the other day I felt the need to go in and look at their “food” isle for inspiration. Among the usual suspects, Fray Bentos pies, Pek tinned mystery meat, Goblin Meat Puddings, was this little beauty. A hot dog kit on a unrefrigerated shelf alongside tins? It was screaming out ‘buy me, try me and try not to puke’.
A heads up for my readers who want to try this abomination themselves, mine had a (ab)use by date of the end of this month. So better get one before they’re gone as they might not be restocked. First off, it was time to see what went into this kit besides a shit load of preservatives, just to prepare my guts and/or ringpiece for what was about to come. Mmmm mechanically separated pork meat and bovine collagen, yet no grieves to my surprise.
Anyway, it was time to open the kit and inspect the delights within. It has a ‘peel here’ tab, but you can forget that, you are cutting your way in. The buns were not dry, where actually bread and didn’t have that ‘long life’ preservative smell to them. However, the hot dogs had the same hue as the cooked 49p tinned hot dogs I had reviewed and failed to keep down. Piercing the tops of the hot dogs for microwaving, I gave one a sniff. It didn’t smell like a rotting chicken carcass, could these really be edible?
After nuking the hot dogs for a disturbingly short 15 seconds, you have to stick them in the bun and give them another 30. Yep the entire ‘waving time is just 45 seconds. You are warming them up really. Who wants to try one cold for the team? No? Oh well. After plating up my Ameri-can treat, they didn’t look too bad or smell too bad either!
So what do they taste like? Not that bad is the answer. The first bite was quite acceptable when compared to the rest of the shite I’ve tried. However after each bite, these dogs coat your palate with a smokey flavour grease the way Peperami roll thing did. After eating, is when things started to get uncomfortable. 2 minutes post dog, I started to feel queasy. It may have been a mixture of physical and mental (shame and thinking about grieves). Once I had washed away the persistent taste with sprinkling spring water, I felt OK again.
|Vleems Food BV|
|£1.50 (maybe, I can’t remember)|