Scouring the canned meat section of my local Tesco, I finally found what I was looking for amongst the various luncheon meats and could-be-hams. Suggested by my lovely girlfriend, initially I thought this might prove a little tame for this blog. I was was also put off by the eye watering price of £2.69, way outside my usual budget, but it had to be purchased. I momentarily wondered why it was called ‘Lunch tongue’, but immediately scolded myself after glancing at the ingredients, it’s better than calling it ‘Pig tongue’.
The label informs you to refrigerate the can for easier slicing. Initially I thought this was rather bizarre, as I was convinced the only people who buy canned meat in this day and age are paranoid Preppers (survivalist crackpots) and fisherman for bait. There was method in this madness though, it was going to congeal all that lovely fat and jelly, Mmmmmm! As I opened my chilled tin, I knew I had a true horror on my hands. I gave the contents a quick sniff… it smelt like dog food. I invited my girlfriend to have a little sniff of the goodness. I was told to get that sh*t away from her.
After digging out the contents of the can with a butter knife and plopping it on a plate, the full disgusting spectacle of what I was about to eat confronted me. My girlfriend’s mocking laughs had now turned to heaving, every time she looked at the lump of matter. Tentatively I sliced off bit that looked most solid and put it in my mouth.
After about three chews, the rank taste was so disgusting, I spat it out in the sink. My girlfriend commented that she had never seen me do this with food the nine years we have been together. I was determined not to be beaten. I had eaten Asda Smartprice mechanically recovered chicken meatballs, I could do this. Taking deeper slices into the lump, it became even less appetising with every cut. I tried another bit, my body again rejected it. Not only could I not swallow, I had to get it out of my mouth as soon as possible to avoid vomiting. My final try was brief. The slightly gritty odd texture combined with a taste that I would describe as ham-on-the-turn, was spat out in the sink yet again. I’ve finally met my food nemesis.
Waste not want not as I was taught as a child. Since my last blog, our Bengal cat who used to be my clean-up crew, has sadly passed away. However, Teddy The Terrier was, well, OK-ish with it. I don’t know if he’ll eat the whole can to be honest and who can blame him!
|Tesco Stores Ltd|