I ate a Peperami Roll, now I’m no longer barmy about salami!

While sauntering down the cooked meats isle of my local mega-tesco, it was obvious that the whole snack meat sector is rapidly expanding, with lots of new groat to try. Happy days. Once there was just Peperami, but now there is a plethora of added-value meat off-cuts in silver foil. One of those is Peperami Roll. If you can’t be arsed to slap a couple of slices of German peppered salami in a stodgy slice of cheap white bread and don’t mind paying another quid for the privilege, this is the snack for you.

Peperami Roll, try me freeLooking at the price, I initially put off. £2.50 is the absolute maximum I would fork out for a review, but then I saw that the good people at Peperami are letting you ‘try me free’ in a piece of irritating anthropomorphising, designed to appeal to idiots. Sh*te food aficionados should take note, you need a scan/picture of your full till receipt and promotional sticker to get your money back.

Peperami Roll unwrappedUnwrapping a roll, it didn’t look that appealing. The bread felt more like a crust and was slightly hard. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting anything resembling fresh bread as looking at the packaging, it’s one of those survivalist meats that “For best taste keep chilled, but does not need refrigeration”. After at least two weeks in the fridge, my roll went out of date in mid July. To have a non-chilled shelf life that long, it is going to be virtually mummified.

Peperami Roll, om nom nomSo what does it taste like? I took a big bite. The bread was indeed a kind of crust and tasted stale, with that odd stuffed-full-of-preservatives slightly sweet aftertaste you get with those long-life burger buns. The Peperami itself, was absolutely solid. Unlike the manufacturers suggestion, this would probably be better at room temperature. It does taste like the German peppered salami you can get at any supermarket deli counter and I eat myself (I know, I’m total filth!). However, it is way, way over the top. Why such a strong tasting meat product would need an additional 3 flavour enhancers (Monosodium Glutamate, Disodium Inosinate, Disodium Guanylate) is anyones guess. After some vigorous chewing, the Peperami coats your palate with its over-the-top flavour. It can’t be dislodged with water. My partner is addicted to Pepsi Max, so I took a swig of that chemical poison goodness, nope still there. Looking at the packet, this must be the Palm Fat that melts in your mouth while chewing and clings on to your poor taste buds like a Tick.

After eating my roll, I got the distinct feeling that I was going to be tasting it all afternoon with every burp from my assaulted guts. I was right. This is not the worst thing I’ve eaten for this blog, but I will not be eating the other two in the packet. For the same price, you can get some peppered salami, a loaf of bread and some margarine, which will be infinitely better. Right time for my refund. Sh*t, I can’t find my bloody till receipt. Peperami, “it’s a bit of an animal™”. As for what bit of the pig it is, it’s probably best not to know.