Written by The Human Dustbin and posted in Cooked Meats & Pâté, Food

In my local Tesco there is a shelf section dedicated not to Pâté, but its cheaper cousin, meat and fish pastes. Amongst them, is Tesco’s own value range, truly the cheapest of the cheap and for me a taste sensation waiting to be purchased. Out of the three varieties, Salmon, Chicken and Ham and Beef, the Ham and Beef seemed to be the top seller, so I bought a jar, in the belief it must be the most palatable.

On unscrewing the cap, I gave the meaty contents a good sniff. There was a vague smell of brisket and some other meat, but not ham. Since getting the jar back home, I had kept it in the fridge, not noticing that until the seal was broken, it had a near two-year room temperature shelf life. I gave it fifteen minutes at room temperature to see if this would improve the smell and melt that lovely fat ring at the top of the jar. It didn’t.

Intrigued by the mystery meat smell, I checked out the ingredients while I toasted and buttered a slice of white bread. Turning the jar to the right from the main label image, I found what I was looking for. Above ‘additional information’ was what the paste was really made of ‘Ham and Beef with Chicken’. In the ingredients, they are in the following proportions, Ham 28%, Chicken 26% and Beef 11% which leaves another 35% made up of various meat fats, flour and soya protein, delicious!

So what does it taste like? I smeared some on a piece of toast and took another sniff. It smelt rank. However, knowing that Dan from the blogs Facebook page “loves this shit” I pressed forward and tentatively took my first bite. There was no taste of Ham whatsoever, just a dodgy slightly synthetic chicken taste with a slight beef twang, truly disgusting. Convincing myself it would get better I took another foul tasting bite and then admitted defeat. To go on would have risked vomiting. This product has overtaken the All day breakfast burger thing, as the worst meat item I’ve yet to try.

Appearance: 3/10
Taste: 1/10
Value: 2/10
Overall: 6/30

Tesco Stores Ltd
Tesco Stores Ltd
  • sydney

    be honest its all just SHITE

  • tourettes

    I am waiting for T time to try the ‘quarter pounders’ I found in the local shops freezer. Ingredients are as follows….

    Chicken (46%),Beef Fat,Beef (16%),Water,Onion (3%),Rusk(Wheatflour,Water,Salt,Anticaking Agent: Ammonium Carbonate), Seasoning( Salt,Rusk (Wheatflour,Salt Raising Agent: Ammonium Carbonate), Dextrose,Sugar, Onion Extract, Flavourings, Flavour Enhancer: Monosodium Glutamate;White Pepper, Spice Extracts (Pepper & Celery) ! ! ! I cannot wait to dig in Loolzz I’d take pictres and review if I could.

  • Mark CULMER

    They can package blended poo and sell it for profit!? …Give the inventor a pat on the back! Mr Asda probably dines on this delicacy every evening. Drinks his own piss to wash it down too!

  • Mongalong

    Mark, you’re a hoot. hahahha

  • Rob

    I use that shit for baiting mouse traps. When the mouse takes a bite and the SNAPP comes, the mouse’s brains and this cheap product are indistinguishable