Written by The Human Dustbin and posted in Food, Frozen, Lasagne

So it’s finally here, after seeing this delicacy advertised on the outside of my local Iceland store, I had the inspiration for this blog. Described on the box as “Tender pieces of chicken breast in a tikka sauce layered between sheets of egg pasta, topped with a creamy béchamel sauce and Cheddar cheese”, it was a fusion food car crash begging to be tasted. Across the street from my local Iceland store is a traditional family owned Italian restaurant. It must be awful to look over to Iceland and see how your cuisine has been bastardised and shat out of the corporate food pipe like this.

Iceland Meal for One Chicken Tikka Lasagne UncookedAfter removing it from the box I was immediately hit by a strong curry smell, which instantly confuses. Looking at the frozen block, it didn’t seem to be topped with Cheddar cheese at all. Like any self-respecting crap food, this Mediterranean Mumbai monstrosity is microwaveable, so I stabbed the film lid with gusto and slammed it in for 12 minutes as per the manufacturers instructions.

Iceland Meal for One Chicken Tikka Lasagne NukedAs the block was being nuked, I pondered on how a food technologist (chefs don’t come up with this shite) would try and meld these two cuisines together? If the curry was not to overwhelm everything else it would need to be toned down a bit, to coronation chicken levels. That maybe edible I thought to myself, but then again, probably not. Anyway, this is what it looks like once it’s been ‘waved within an inch of its life. If you compare the box illustration and what you actually get, to say this is topped with Cheddar Cheese is almost prosecutable under the Trades Description Act. I reckon it has 90% less cheese topping than the illustration.

So what does it taste like? The tikka sauce is quite spicy and therefore overpowers everything else. That is basically all you can taste, the pasta is just there for confusing texture, with the slightly more chewy bits over microwaved at the side, adding a bit of variety compared to the central stodge. As I ploughed through, I desperately tried to find a piece of chicken breast. The largest piece of chicken I found was the size of a small pea, yet I’m sure it is all chicken breast.

In conclusion, it’s not unpleasant, but it really isn’t a combination that works at all. You may enjoy it, if during your student days, all you could find in the house to eat was a jar of tikka sauce and some sheets of Lasagne and you made this beast yourself and want to reminisce, apart from that it’s best avoided. Finally, looking at the ‘Nutrition Information’ on the box (shouldn’t that be ‘Nutritional Information’? Thanks Michael!) I noticed that each meal contains 666 calories. Therefore if you try this yourself, you have to watch the video below and replace the word ‘number’ with ‘tikka’ while it is being microwaved.

Appearance: 4/10
Taste: 4/10
Value: 3/10
Overall: 11/30

Iceland Foods Ltd
Iceland Foods Ltd
666 (the tikka of the beast)