Written by The Human Dustbin and posted in Food, Frozen, Lasagne

So it’s finally here, after seeing this delicacy advertised on the outside of my local Iceland store, I had the inspiration for this blog. Described on the box as “Tender pieces of chicken breast in a tikka sauce layered between sheets of egg pasta, topped with a creamy béchamel sauce and Cheddar cheese”, it was a fusion food car crash begging to be tasted. Across the street from my local Iceland store is a traditional family owned Italian restaurant. It must be awful to look over to Iceland and see how your cuisine has been bastardised and shat out of the corporate food pipe like this.

Iceland Meal for One Chicken Tikka Lasagne UncookedAfter removing it from the box I was immediately hit by a strong curry smell, which instantly confuses. Looking at the frozen block, it didn’t seem to be topped with Cheddar cheese at all. Like any self-respecting crap food, this Mediterranean Mumbai monstrosity is microwaveable, so I stabbed the film lid with gusto and slammed it in for 12 minutes as per the manufacturers instructions.

Iceland Meal for One Chicken Tikka Lasagne NukedAs the block was being nuked, I pondered on how a food technologist (chefs don’t come up with this shite) would try and meld these two cuisines together? If the curry was not to overwhelm everything else it would need to be toned down a bit, to coronation chicken levels. That maybe edible I thought to myself, but then again, probably not. Anyway, this is what it looks like once it’s been ‘waved within an inch of its life. If you compare the box illustration and what you actually get, to say this is topped with Cheddar Cheese is almost prosecutable under the Trades Description Act. I reckon it has 90% less cheese topping than the illustration.

So what does it taste like? The tikka sauce is quite spicy and therefore overpowers everything else. That is basically all you can taste, the pasta is just there for confusing texture, with the slightly more chewy bits over microwaved at the side, adding a bit of variety compared to the central stodge. As I ploughed through, I desperately tried to find a piece of chicken breast. The largest piece of chicken I found was the size of a small pea, yet I’m sure it is all chicken breast.

In conclusion, it’s not unpleasant, but it really isn’t a combination that works at all. You may enjoy it, if during your student days, all you could find in the house to eat was a jar of tikka sauce and some sheets of Lasagne and you made this beast yourself and want to reminisce, apart from that it’s best avoided. Finally, looking at the ‘Nutrition Information’ on the box (shouldn’t that be ‘Nutritional Information’? Thanks Michael!) I noticed that each meal contains 666 calories. Therefore if you try this yourself, you have to watch the video below and replace the word ‘number’ with ‘tikka’ while it is being microwaved.

Appearance: 4/10
Taste: 4/10
Value: 3/10
Overall: 11/30

Iceland Foods Ltd
Iceland Foods Ltd
666 (the tikka of the beast)
  • Jon Kelly

    Wow! Just found this site via a Polly Toynbee article and ChavTowns (horrid little site.) Just goes to show how every cloud has a silver lining – this site is just genius. Would love to see a review of the worst frozen kebab – I had one about 15 years ago (think it was from Iceland or maybe Farmfoods from my Uni days) – but obviously can’t bring myself to try one again.
    PS For some reason recently, I convinced myself that those Fray Bentos tinned pies are actually much, much better than they look. They’re not.

  • Mongalong

    Just discovered your blog. V amusing and fair. I’m posting a link on FB, I hope that’s ok.

  • Mario

    Is there even a point of this website?

    People who can’t afford better foods will still buy them.

    People who buy more better foods, will never read this nonsense blog anyway.

    Bottom line, British cuisine is amongst the world’s worst. And here we have a self-proclaimed food tasting expert-reviewer writing what’s bad and what’s not. Just laughable.

    Maybe time to get a life?

    • The Human Dustbin

      Am I the only person who sees the inherent irony in the above comment? Taking the time to type out a comment and fill in the captcha on a site that has no point. 🙂

    • Matt

      You’re quite right Mario, we should remove all websites from the internet that don’t have point, leaving us with four, maybe five websites to choose from.

  • I am going to have to get me some of this. I have just been howling with laughter reading the review of it.

    • louise

      im thinking the same diane,sod the friday night takeout,tikka lasagne it is lol

  • Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

    After a crappy day, i’ve had a well needed, hearty laugh tonight reading your reviews. I thought I was going to get sent out of the livingroom at one point for making so much noise, thank you.

  • louise

    amazing site keep the shitefood coming lol 🙂

  • Coleman

    I had been recommended this (honest) by my manager and tried it out of curiosity and can honestly say that it was one of the worst culinary experiences of my adult life (I say adult life as my Mother was a terrible cook) the worst part was that not the spicy creamy mismatch taste but that it absolutely stank my whole flat out (which was no easy feat as it was huge)!

    Just goes to show that the value of opinion in Portsmouth is utter S**T!

  • Steve

    I love the food reviews. This web site always has me laughing out loud. Which is kind of the point Mario. Being laughable.