Written by The Human Dustbin and posted in Food, Frozen

When I saw these in my local Iceland and saw that you got 8 for the price of 6, it was a bargain I could not pass by. Described on the packet as “Triangles of chopped turkey ham made from cured turkey, topped with processed cheese and coated in breadcrumbs”, they are in reality, a hamwich without any ham but mashed up turkey that’s been coloured pink instead. They’re made in Hungary from meat sourced in the EU, so I naturally thought we could have a new champion of crap food.

After removing several from the packet, this is what they look like, anonymous bread crumbed triangles. Even when frozen most food still has some odour, but these lacked any smell of cheese or ‘t-ham’. I put them in a pre-heated oven at gas mark 6 for 15 minutes, as per manufacturers instructions.

This is what they look like, once they’ve been cooked. As you can see from the one I’ve cut in half, the ‘t-ham’ is bright pink. On the packet is boasts that they have no artificial colour, which is fine, but in the list of ingredients, these no mention of a natural colour (I was betting on cochineal), so how did the ‘t-ham’ get that colour? Needless to say, what goes on in Hungary stays in Hungary.

So what do they taste like? Well surprisingly edible is the answer to that one, so I polished off two. Even my partner took a tentative mouthful and did not instantly spit it out, that’s generally a thumbs up! Don’t get me wrong here, we are not talking a taste sensation, the ‘t-ham’ had a vague ham like taste, but off the bone organic Wiltshire ham, it aint. The cheese sauce was light enough to complement the ‘t-ham’ and actually had some cheese flavour to my astonishment. However, 3 hours after eating, the hamwiches bit back. I have a low tolerance level to certain food additives, namely sulphates, nitrates and good old MSG. Most foods I can get away with, but if the additive is present in high quantities, I start to gibber and need an anti-histamine tablet. This is particularly true of Sodium Nitrate, the meat preservative of choice, for crap food manufacturers. The ‘hamwitches’ must have been loaded with it. Damn you, you delicious little bastards!

Appearance: 4/10
Taste: 6/10
Value: 4/10
Overall: 16/30

Iceland Foods Ltd
Saga Foods