Each time I’ve walked past the freezer cabinet in my local Tesco store, these bad boys have caught my eye. Described on the packet as “Two pitta breads filled with reformed cooked and sliced seasoned mutton and chopped onions served with two sachets of hot and spicy tomato chilli sauce”, who could resist that for a pound? Not me, that’s for sure and I was willing to try them without imbibing several cans of reassuringly costly continental lager first, to kill the taste buds. After looking at the serving suggestion on the packet, which was basically to add your own salad, I decided to ‘keep it real’ and eat them as nature and the gods of crap food intended, without adding any nutritional value.
It was time to get these frozen marvels into the microwave. Removing them from the packet, I was surprised to find that not only did they look like a doner kebab, but even frozen, smelled like one. In the interest of scientific evaluation and to follow the manufacturers cooking procedures to the letter, each doner was nuked individually. One minute on high, then turn it over and give it another 2mins on the other side, giving you just enough time to put the frozen sachet of chilli sauce under a hot tap to thaw it out.
Now lets get to the taste test. Both doners were a little soggy, which is only to be expected from Microwave food. I checked the box and there’s no putting these in the oven I’m afraid. The sogginess may have been because I did not take them out of their microwave plastic packets, for the 1min cool down. The one without chilli sauce, the control, I tested first. The doner meat is not like you get in a Kebab Shop, its texture is more like that of reformed ham, ‘pappy’ is the word I’m grasping for, but it did taste like doner meat. However, that taste was completely overpowered by the onions. Moving on to the one with chilli sauce, it’s amazing how a simple condiment can make something like this almost quite palatable… almost. However, both kebabs left me with a strong aftertaste in my mouth for about 5 minutes. Don’t know what it was, not onion, but a cross between garlic salt and pepper, which lingered until I cleansed my palate with sparkling water. Value cherryade would have been more in the spirit of this venture, but there you go.
In conclusion, I have to ask myself, have I ever had a worse doner kebab from a takeaway and the answer is yes. That dubious accolade goes to the Milano Express in St Leonards on sea, which given that these are pretty horrid, should you wish to try them, speaks volumes. Would I buy them again? No, once was quite enough, even for literally shits and giggles. However, I note from Summit Foods website, that they do a ‘non-premium’ version of this delight. I will bring you review as soon as I can find a packet!
|Tesco Stores Ltd|
|Summit Foods Limited|